Human communication is very complex. So many people have developed several strategies to better express themselves. One of them is the ‘me delivery method’.
‘How to communicate’ is a particularly useful communication tool when you want to express your thoughts or feelings without hurting the other person.
For example, imagine a situation where you don’t like the behavior of another person. For most people, it can be difficult to express the discomfort and feelings they feel due to the behavior.
In these situations, people are often reluctant to speak their minds to avoid conflict. They also struggle to pick the right word, even if they decide to say it, which is firm enough and doesn’t offend the other person.
In this case, the ‘me-transfer method’ is the perfect technique. This is because I can express myself respectfully without blaming myself through my method of communication.
What is a ‘me-transfer method’?
‘Me-communication method’ is a communication strategy that can actively express one’s feelings without attacking others.
To take advantage of this, you need to prioritize speaking from a first-person point of view, focus on what is being said, and express your emotions.
‘Method of communication’ is a communication method that allows you to express yourself more actively while reducing conflicts when expressing your dislikes.
For example, a typical phrase such as ‘How come there is no way to put things in their place!’ is a criticism that can arise between two people living together. When you hear something like this, it’s easy to feel that the aforementioned person has been attacked and reacts similarly.
Instead, something like, ‘Last month, I was the only one doing the cleaning, so I didn’t feel like I was being helped at all.’ Because the speaker expressed what happened and how they felt, but did not focus on blaming the person.
Expressing your message in this way will make your interlocutor more resonant with you. It also makes it easier for others to express their feelings without feeling that they have judged them.
The difference between ‘I communicate’ and ‘You communicate’
The ‘you pass’ method is usually used for poorly managed quarrels. The difference between ‘how to deliver you’ and ‘how to deliver me’ is as follows.
Because criticizing what happened can make the other person feel attacked, ‘how to communicate you’ interferes with good communication. Emphasizing guilt will only backfire. In this way, the other party can defend himself and counterattack with other accusations without sharing responsibility.
For them, the ‘me-communication method’ is a means of minimizing a defensive attitude. If you say, ‘I was sad that you didn’t call me yesterday,’ rather than saying, ‘Yesterday was a really bad day because of you.’ Your interlocutor doesn’t respond the same way.
In the ‘how to communicate you’, the speaker judges the other person, which only leads to greater anger. For example, saying, ‘You always do the same thing, you never change!’ does not motivate the other person to solve the problem.
Instead, saying, ‘I get so anxious when you don’t tell me you’ll be late’ may be a better choice because you’re describing your feelings verbally without judging them.
The ‘how to communicate you’ judges the other person and hinders good communication. This makes troubleshooting more difficult.
Far from solving the core problem, ‘how to communicate you’ usually makes the problem worse. However, the ‘me-transfer method’ is a good strategy to find a solution between two people.
If you focus on explaining what happened, expressing your feelings, and suggesting alternatives, it can be a great help in resolving conflicts.
How to use the ‘me delivery method’
- Express yourself from the first-person point of view. For example, there are expressions such as ‘I’m worried when you are like that’, ‘I feel upset when you are like that’, and ‘I’m sad because of you’.
- Describe the other person’s behavior as objectively as possible. For example, ‘when you’re late without notice’, ‘when you explain what happened today and you don’t listen to me’, ‘when you say bad things about me and my best friend’.
- Describe how you felt about the action. For example, ‘I feel that when you don’t respect or value my time’, ‘I feel ignored’, ‘I feel like I don’t appreciate me enough’.
- Let’s come up with a solution. For example, there are expressions such as ‘I’d appreciate it if you let me know in advance that I’ll be late next time’, ‘I want to go shopping a little earlier next time so that I don’t stand in line for a long time’, and ‘I want to do laundry together next week’.
The ‘Meeting Method’ is useful when communicating with friends, lovers, relatives, co-workers, or someone you just met.
The important thing is that when you communicate in this way, you don’t feel blamed or guilty. On the contrary, we find that we are revealing the situation we are going through and that we are offering solutions without attacking ourselves.
So they don’t show a defensive attitude and they understand that we’re not feeling well. This makes it much easier to work with each other to solve problems.