Bringing an au pair into your home is a wonderful way to get extra help with childcare, while also introducing your family to new cultures and perspectives. However, having someone living with you full-time can blur the lines between personal and professional relationships. So, how do you build a friendly relationship with your au pair while still setting boundaries to make sure everyone feels comfortable?
Why Are Boundaries So Important?
First, let’s talk about why boundaries matter. Whether you’ve hired an au pair from an agency like Go Au Pair for the first time or you’ve had a few before, the same principle applies: boundaries create balance. Without them, it can become difficult to distinguish between “work mode” and “family time,” which could lead to misunderstandings or even burnout on both sides. Setting clear expectations from the start helps to avoid these potential issues and sets the stage for a positive experience for both your family and your au pair.
It’s also about respect. An au pair is a caregiver, but they’re also a young adult, likely from a different country, who’s navigating a new environment. By setting clear boundaries, you respect their role while also allowing them to maintain their personal space and time.
1) Set Clear Expectations Early On
The best time to set boundaries? Right from the beginning. From the first conversation or interview, talk openly about your expectations regarding the role. This includes things like:
- Working hours – Be specific about when you need help and when your au pair is free to spend their own time.
- Childcare duties – Clearly outline what you expect them to do in terms of childcare, like feeding, bedtime, school pickups, etc.
- Household tasks – Are they expected to help with chores? Make sure these responsibilities are understood from the outset.
- Curfew or house rules – If you have any rules about when they should be home or how to behave in shared spaces, make these known early on.
When everyone knows what’s expected from the start, it’s much easier to avoid confusion or frustration later.
2) Define Private Time
Your au pair might live with you, but they still need personal time. Make it clear when their working hours end and when they can have free time to do their own thing. Having a dedicated space in the house for the au pair, such as a private room, helps set a physical boundary that makes it easier for them to unwind.
This doesn’t mean you have to be rigid about when you can or can’t socialize with them. If you all get along and feel comfortable, casual chats or shared meals are great. Just make sure they know they don’t always have to be “on,” even though they live with you.
3) Open Communication Is Key
A big part of keeping boundaries healthy is communication. Encourage your au pair to speak openly about any concerns they might have, whether it’s about work, their personal time, or anything else that’s affecting their stay. It’s just as important for you to do the same. If you feel that boundaries are being crossed, don’t hesitate to have a respectful conversation to realign your expectations.
The key is to create an environment where both parties feel heard. If something isn’t working, having regular check-ins can ensure that any issues are sorted out before they become bigger problems.
4) Be Friendly, But Professional
It’s perfectly fine (and encouraged) to build a friendly relationship with your au pair. After all, they’re living in your home, and it’s nice for them to feel like part of the family. However, it’s also essential to keep things professional. While it’s good to be approachable and warm, be cautious not to become too informal to the point where your au pair might struggle to take work-related feedback or tasks seriously.
Finding the balance between being friendly and being their employer can be tricky, but it’s doable. Keep work conversations focused on responsibilities, and feel free to chat about non-work things during downtime. This way, there’s a clear separation between personal connection and professional duties.
5) Address Issues Promptly
Sometimes, boundaries might be tested—intentionally or unintentionally. If something comes up that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsure, address it sooner rather than later. Letting things fester can only lead to bigger issues down the line. Whether it’s an issue with working hours or misunderstandings about responsibilities, dealing with problems as they arise will keep things running smoothly.
Approaching any issues with kindness and clarity will also show your au pair that you’re reasonable, but serious about maintaining the balance that’s needed for both sides to feel good about the arrangement.
6) Give and Take
Remember, when you hire an au pair, they’re also adapting to a new way of living, potentially in a country and culture that’s unfamiliar to them. While you’re setting boundaries, it’s important to be flexible when necessary. Maybe they need time off for something personal or want to attend a local event with friends. As long as it doesn’t conflict with their core responsibilities, allowing some give-and-take can help build mutual respect.
In short, show them that while there are boundaries, you’re also understanding and willing to adapt when appropriate. This flexibility goes a long way in fostering a healthy relationship.
7) Keep Family Time Sacred
If your au pair is working while you’re home, it’s essential to establish moments where your family can be together without the expectation of their involvement. Having family time without the au pair allows you to create those personal memories and lets them know that they don’t need to be “on call” constantly.
This can be as simple as spending time with your kids after dinner or planning a weekend activity where your au pair is free to explore their own interests.
Wrapping It Up
Setting boundaries while fostering a friendly relationship with your au pair doesn’t have to be difficult. By laying out clear expectations early on, respecting their private time, and maintaining open communication, you’ll create an environment where both your family and your au pair feel comfortable. Finding that balance between professional and friendly is the key to ensuring everyone has a positive experience.
